


Paralyzed

by Dr_LawrenceGordon



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: ALS Disease, Death, Depressing, Graphic Depictions of Illness, M/M, Major Character Injury, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22821562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_LawrenceGordon/pseuds/Dr_LawrenceGordon
Summary: Lawrence is diagnosed with ALS disease, and both Adam and he have to learn to deal with it.
Relationships: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon
Kudos: 4





	Paralyzed

Adam sat in the hospital's perfectly white waiting room, waiting for his lover. The typical smell of a hospital tried to force itself into his nose, but he ignored it, staring straight at the floor. He sat with his face buried in his hands to create the illusion that he was exhausted, not filled with desperation. He didn't want any of the strangers around him to see the tears in his eyes - they were sure to see them anyway as they dripped from his face to the floor - or the desperation written clearly across his face. Only Lawrence was allowed to see this side of him. Only Lawrence was allowed near when he was most vulnerable.

The entire appointment with the doctor lasted fifteen minutes, tops, but Adam felt like he had been sitting in that smelly waiting room for hours when Lawrence finally emerged from the doctor's office. For a moment, Adam allowed himself to be fooled by Lawrence's calm facial expression. The sadness he had expected to see - he had prepared himself for the worst - was nowhere to be seen. But when their gazes crossed, Adam knew that it was far from alright.

'What's wrong?' he exclaimed as he jumped up and pulled his lover into a tight embrace. 'Larry? Talk to me, darling! What did the doctor say? What did he tell you?'

Lawrence answered none of those questions. Instead, he sank onto one knee. He reached inside his suit jacket and took out a small box. Adam didn't need to see what was inside to know what Lawrence was about to do, and he feared it more than anything. When the small black box opened up, it confirmed everything he had been so afraid of while waiting for his lover.

'Will you marry me?' Lawrence asked softly, to maintain the intimacy. 'You are the only person in the entire universe that I have ever truly loved, and I want to marry you before it is too late.'

Instead of exclaiming an affirmative and jumping Lawrence to shower him with kisses like he wanted to, Adam stammered confusedly and backed away. So Lawrence was going to die soon, he concluded.

'Will you marry me?' Lawrence asked a second time, even softer. He took one of Adam's hands in his own. 'Please, Adam. Please...' A single tear ran down his cheek as he awaited the answer.

'Yes!' Adam said eventually. 'Of course, I will marry you!' He, too, was crying at this point.

Neither noticed the applause when Lawrence got up and pulled Adam into a loving embrace. Adam, in turn, showered Lawrence with soft kisses. For a few minutes, they both forgot about Lawrence's disease. They were to busy receiving congratulations from the other people in the waiting room, including a young girl that resembled Diana.

But the subject of Lawrence's disease had to come back up at some point. And it did when they were alone in Lawrence's car.

'Tell me what's wrong', Adam pleaded. 'You know that you have to tell me eventually. I have to know. You can trust me.'

'I know I can trust you, but...' That was all Lawrence could force himself to say before looking away shyly. 'I'm so afraid that you'll leave me. You're all I have. Please say that you'll stay with me, no matter what.'

'Anything you ask of me, I will do for you', Adam promised quickly, waving the hand with the engagement ring on it before Lawrence's face. 'I love you, Larry, and nothing in this entire fucking world can change that.'

'I have ALS.'

Lawrence then burst into tears, burying his face in his hands as Adam had done in the hospital's waiting room. Feelings of guilt knocked the air out of his lungs as he tried to keep his posture somewhat decent.

'But Larry...' Adam muttered into Lawrence's hair. 'We are going to get through this together. We will.'

Suddenly, Lawrence tore himself away from Adam's comforting embrace to get out of the car. He started to walk towards the hospital, leaving Adam alone and scared in the car.

'Hey!' Adam shouted, partially surprised but mostly fearful. He got out of the car and ran after his fiance, calling out his name in a panicky tone of voice.

When he caught up to Lawrence, he wasn't even acknowledged.

'Talk to me, Larry!' Adam begged. 'Just talk to me.'

'It's better if you leave me', Lawrence suggested out of the blue. 'Find someone your own age, and... Be happy with them.'

'But I love you and no-one else!' Adam protested, blocking Lawrence's way to force him to talk.

'I am a dying man!' Lawrence shouted, pushing Adam away and walking further. Adam remained where he was, baffled, with tears flowing from his eyes like never before.

_***_

Five hours had passed since Lawrence had suggested for him to find someone his own age, and in those hours, Adam hailed a cab and got home. He gave the driver over 10 dollar tip, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Once at home, he settled on the couch with a cup of strong black coffee, waiting for Lawrence to come home. But Lawrence didn't come, even when it came back to Lawrence. It caused even more worries to surface.

The moment his digital clock jumped to 00:00, Adam whipped out his new phone and called Lawrence's number. He ignored the impatient growling of his stomach as he waited for the phone to be picked up on the other side. He couldn't care less about the growls of hunger; he just wanted to hear Lawrence's voice. He needed Lawrence to talk to him and to comfort him.

But it went to voicemail after about twenty seconds of waiting.

Adam tried three more times before giving up. He went to bed, convinced that he would find Lawrence beside himself the next morning, with no issues at all.

_***_

Eventually, Adam remained awake all the way through the night, and Lawrence didn't come home.

Lawrence would come home in the early afternoon, just when Adam was about to make himself an egg. When he saw his fiance, he literally dropped the spatula and the eggs he was carrying to run up to Lawrence and hugging him.

'Thank God!' Adam cried out, fresh tears forming small damp spots on Lawrence's fancy suit jacket. 'I thought you might not come back! You scared me so bad, Larry!'

'Don't be so silly', Lawrence replied as calmly as he could muster, bending forward slightly so he could kiss Adam's forehead. 'I would never hurt you like that. I love you too much for that.'

'Promise me', Adam choked out as he buried his face even deeper in Lawrence's shoulder. 'Just promise me you won't kill yourself. I couldn't live with myself if you did.'

'I promise', Lawrence said, but he didn't believe himself.


End file.
